Waves of Grief

Unfinished business

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I thought my boyfriend was going to ask me to marry him, but he dumped me instead. I can’t stop thinking about him and wondering what went wrong. I can’t imagine life without him. 
Clearly you’ve invested many hopes and dreams in this relationship. Instead of spinning your wheels, turn your attention to learning whatever you can from the relationship and its end. Recognize your own personal growth that took place through the relationship and resolve to keep that.  As you are able, you will recast your plans for the future without him in a starring role. 

 

I had a rocky relationship with my dad and now he died. Now I’ll never be able to resolve it. 
It is never too late to address unfinished business, and you use what you have available to you at this point to work on it. You can start by writing a letter to your dad to say all the things you wish you had said face-to-face. Then imagine what he might have said back, on his best day. Gradually work toward a form of the conversation that helps you sort out what you need to. 

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My dad and I had some trouble back in the day, but it got better and we never talked about it. When he was sick, my sisters told me to fly in and spend time with him, but I thought I had more time. Now, I will never have the chance.

Having unfinished business with a loved one who has died is a frequent source of pain. While you wish you had talked it out, you can still have your part of the conversation by writing him a letter expressing what you want to say. Keep the letter, reread it, add whatever you want to, and set it aside in a secure place. As you express yourself, you may find that your regret eases. Imagine what he might have had to say; if you can’t, try asking another loved one to help.